60 Questions – Answer No. 9

What is reason forcing you to do?
Which things do you do only because they are reasonable?

Reason and me – we have a little bit of a confusing relationship. On top, there seem to exist several forms of reason.

There is this kind that claims to have all the logical arguments on its side, and therefore having a different opinion is complete nonsense. I believe this kind of “reason” to be too limited and incomplete. From my perspective, this makes it a poor guide for my decisions or my actions.

“Be reasonable!” I heard this sentence a little bit too often when my mum wanted me to act precisely the way she wanted it. If I then acted accordingly, she was convinced that I finally came to my senses. From my point of view, I obeyed – nothing more. She did not convince me, but it was not about arguments in the first place.

That is why I get a bit fidgety when people call on me to be reasonable. I prefer to be convinced rather than pushed in the “right direction” by the aid of reason. My inner 8-year-old is very keen to loudly protest against such overbearing behavior.

The important thing is that she does not refuse the really reasonable things, i.e., actions and behaviors that are actually helpful to me, out of pure stubbornness. It feels good to be a little bit rebellious.

“Ha! I’ll show you!”

But it is reasonable not to let her take the reigns in my life.

So let’s talk about the right kind of reason

„Reason“ for me is the showrunner. It takes care that all my contradictory opinions, emotions, and ideas have a say in my decision-making process.  Reason helps me to put together a solution that considers my whole self, not just some parts. A moderator and director, the actual boss.

Reason will listen to my values and ideals that hold me upright. My backbone.

Then there is the heart, that only wants to love unconditionally, no matter the costs.

Gut feeling wants to have a say in all matters. It knows what can go wrong and how easily a fragile balance can be disturbed. It likes everything to be super-safe.

Then there is my intellect, my mind, which can logically argue why heart and gut feeling should shut up now and leave the rest to the grown-ups. (Sometimes, my intellect even believes to be reason. That is a dangerous and very loud situation. Reason has to be really careful not to overhear the others in such cases. Sometimes she still errs in favor of intellect.)

In the end, reason listens to everybody, ponders, and comes to a conclusion—this way building a guard railing for my actions.

This is the ideal world scenario, which rarely happens in reality.

But someday, I’ll be old enough and have practiced this again and again. And then, I will answer the question above with:

I follow reason in most things I do.

PS: Please bear with me until this day is, and I’ll ask you in advance to forgive mishaps, unreasonable actions, and other strange things. This is a work in progress.